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Can I get paid to work through insecurity?

The worries:

That I'd hate any new job.

That I'd get a bad boss.

That I'd be expected to meet impossible standards.

Each of these has happened. And I've been dwelling on that. I've found it harder to remember the good experiences of my work, though there are plenty of those: where I've known I'd helped people. Where I helped someone and got thanked in return. Where I figured something out and could do that thing better. Where I caught and corrected an error before it messed up anything else.

I've had an eclectic job history — perhaps more so because I've been a temp, on and off, since college, but plenty of us have had a variety of jobs. I've worked an audio/visual library, as a projectionist and a "move a cart with a TV and VCR to a classroom" person. I've set up a book fair and worked in a Scholastic Books warehouse. I've served food and cleaned at events. I've lifted lots of paper in a print shop. I've loaded boxes of frozen meat into a train car. I've packed six-packs. I've sorted and filed an agency's FMLA paperwork (that took months). I've installed furniture in an apartment complex-turned-college dorm. I've booked dogs into dog shows. That's almost all temp work (and not all of my temp work, by far).

I've worked for two years at what was literally a billion-dollar company. I've also worked for three years in a hospital records office, three years as a small-town newspaper writer-reporter, and several years on and off as a call center rep handling phones and emails. If there's one type of job I now want to avoid, it's a mostly-phones job, but — yes, I have to remind myself sometimes of this — I HAVE DONE WELL OR AT LEAST DECENTLY AT A LOT OF DIFFERENT JOBS.

It's like I've forgotten that.

Partly that's due to the bad experiences I referred to at the start of this entry. I can't act like I'd have nothing but bad work experiences; I would completely hobble myself doing that, for a dumb reason. Self-sabotage: BAD IDEA.

So: some job. Something. Something. I'm trying.

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