I'm at Southeast Grind, the cafe-with-computers north of my place.
Details for the computer-literate (i.e. Not Me): I shut off the computer after it froze with that "illegal operation/will shut down" message, and when I rebooted it went to the first Windows screen (it's so old and un-updated it's still running Windows 95, I kid you not) and got stuck there. The scrolling line at the bottom of the screen that shows it booting up doesn't currently actually scroll. It does nothing else, certainly it doesn't bring up any desktop stuff.
Feh. I know it's old (it's a 1997 computer), but I hope it's not sneakers-up. Meanwhile, I'll be MUCH QUIETER online. Again, I say "feh."