Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

Let me tell you a story ;-)

One PAYDAY, Mr. GOODBAR wanted to SKOR, so he took Miss HERSHEY to POT OF GOLD Motel on the corner of AERO & 5TH AVENUE to show her some TWIX. He began to feel her MOUNDS. that was pure ALMOND JOY and it made her TOOTSIE ROLL, and made him want to EAT MORE. When he saw her CHERRY BLOSSOM he gasped “SWEET MARIE, this is WUNDERBAR." She let out a SNICKER as his BUTTERFINGER went up her KIT KAT and caused a MILKY WAY. She screamed “OH HENRY" as she grabbed his BIG TURK and squeezed his M&M'S. Miss HERSHEY said “You are even better than the THREE MUSKETEERS!” To which Mr. GOODBAR replied “When you're this good, they call you MR. BIG." Soon she was a bit CHUNKY, and nine months later she had a BABY RUTH.

(seen on this thread on this post sort of re: Halloween candy)

And for something both funny and healthier, Kip Adotta's "Life in the Slaw Lane":

It was Cucumber the first; summer was over.
I had just spinached a long day and I was busheled.
I'm the kinda guy that works hard for his celery and I don't mind telling you I was feeling a bit wilted.
But I didn't carrot all. 'Cause, otherwise, things were vine.
I try never to disparagus and I don't sweat the truffles. I'm
outstanding in my field and I know something good will turnip eventually.
A bunch of things were going grape, and soon, I'd be top banana. At least, that's my peeling.
But that's enough corn; lend me your ear and lettuce continue:
After dressing, I stalked on over to the grain station.
I got there just in lime to catch the nine-elemon as it plowed toward the
core of Appleton, a lentil more than a melon-and-a-half Yeast of Cloveland.

CHORUS
Life in the slaw lane.
They say plants can't feel no pain.
Life in the slaw lane.
I've got news for you:
They're just as frail as you.

No one got off at Zucchini, so we continued on a rotaBega.
Passing my usual stop, I got avoCado.
I hailed a passing Yellow Cabbage and told the driver to cart me off to
Broccolyn. I was going to meet my brother across from the eggplant where
he had a job at the Saffron station pumpkin gas.
As soon as I saw his face, I knew he was in a yam.
He told me his wife had been raisin cane. Her name was Peaches: a
soiled but radishing beauty with HUGE goards. My brother had always been a
chestnut, but I could never figured out why she picked him. He was a skinny
little string bean who had always suffered from cerebral parsley. It was in
our roots. Sure, we had tried to weed it out, but the problem still
romained.
He was used to having a tough row to hoe, but it irrigated me to see
Artichoke, and it bothered my brother to see his marriage going to seed.

CHORUS

Like most mapled couples, they had a lot of grilling to do.
Sure, they'd sown their wild oats, but just barley if you peas.
Finally, Peaches had given him an ultomato. She said, "I'm hip to your
chive, and you don't stop smoking that herb, I'm gonna leaf ya for Basil, ya fruit!"
He said he didn't realize it had kumquat so far.
Onion other hand, even though Peaches could be the pits, I knew she'd
never call the fuzz.

CHORUS

So I said, "Hay, we're not farm from the Mushroom! Let's walk over."
He said, "That's a very rice place. That's the same little bar where
alfalfa my wife!"
When we got there, I pulled up a cherry and tried to produce small talk.
I told him I haven't seen Olive; not since I shelled off for a trip to
Macadamia when I told her, "We cantaloupe." The time just wasn't ripe.
She knew what I mint.
When we left the Mushroom, we were pretty well-juiced. I told Arti
to say hello to the boysenBerry and that I'd orange to see him another
thyme.
Well, it all came out in the morning peppers: Arti caught Peaches that
night with Basil, and Arti beat Basil bad, leaving him with two beautiful
acres.
Peaches? She was found in the garden; she'd been pruned.

CHORUS

Well, my little story is okra now.
Maybe it's small potatoes. Me? Idaho.
My name? Wheat. My friends call me "Kernel".
And that's life in the slaw lane.
Thank you so mulch.

CHORUS

It's a garden out there!
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments