Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

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A possibily narcissistic post

It's like I have trouble accepting that people would find me attractive.

Even though I've gotten proof that people do, and even though I know the saw "Everybody is somebody's type," I've never reached the point that I expect it. I'm surprised when it happens. Being the only person who's experiencing Me from inside, and being fully aware of my weirdnesses and weak spots and maybe not aware enough of my strengths and my "draws," at some level when I hear that someone finds me attractive I'm thinking This almost doesn't compute. I know that being confident can help with drawing people to you -- Jeez, that sounds narcissistic (argh why do I have thoughts like that) -- and I'm tryng to build on that. I can be better at drawing people to me. And, more generally, I can be better at being social. That's been another battle. And I have been better. So: I can build on that. Have it be less of a battle. Because it shouldn't be a battle: it should be a happy, affirming thing, interacting with interesting people, some of whom I find attractive and some of whom find me attractive.

Attraction is such an alchemy: it can come from unexpected circumstances. It can come from all sorts of things. It happens a lot. It's like I forget that. And we're back to the start of this entry.

I am not asking for affirmation here. It's mainly what's on my mind at the moment. Woke up moody and wistful, too, and I'm not totally sure why. Things can be better. Things can be good. Building on The Good is also good. Time to do that. Time to keep doing that. I'll like the result.

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