Were I a summonable monster, what kind of ritual would you craft to summon me? (Include items to lure monster-me and method for said fell ritual.)

Ruler-thwacking, slow-slow-sloooooooooow opening of a junk mail envelope (with my tongue), the donning of antlers, the setting of said antlers on fire, the dousing of my flaming antlers in my Cream of Mushroom Soup, a National Guard flyby, bubbling of bacon grease, and a telling of "The Aristocrats."