Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

  • Mood:

Yon momma*

Thanks to Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts, Mike "Culture Pulp" Russell and my brain, I spent some time this weekend writing insults.

In a couple of venues (like here), Bobby, Mike and eventually others got into a debate about the merits of Shakespeare: is he overrated? Does attention to his works overwhelm theater? Do people focus on his works out of habit, or out of what they can get out of it? But a side-thought came up during this: no matter what you think about anything else Shakespeare did, he was a genius at writing insults.

Why not new Shakespeare insults?

And thus I started spamming Twitter with my attempts, and others joined in. And soon my little corner of the Internet was graced with these:

* "You nosehair-combing flea-farm!"
* "You crap-juggling failed yodeler!"
* "May your lying tongue reach back and strangle your entrails!"
* @culturepulp: "Thou resolution-lowering, atom-splitting Montessori driver!"
* "You mud-encrusted smog-gargler!"
* @culturepulp: "Thou Pinto-owning, Hilton-deep carb-counter!"
* "You road-buckling, weed-puking inverse pancreas!"
* @culturepulp: "Thou Ratner! Thou Michael Bay!"
* @carolynmain to @culturepulp: "Do you up your sack at me, sir?" "Well, my sack is upped, sir!"
* @FuriousDShow: "Thou hath the reliability of Lindsay Lohan's alcohol monitor!"
* "Thou dandruff-eater! Go swim with lice!"
* @culturepulp to @carolynmain: "A pox upon thine credit rating, thou Facebooker ! Thou graphic novelist!"
* @Lea_Hernandez to @culturepulp: "Thou bug-bespectabled Anthropologie trollop!"
* @FuriousDShow: "Thou art a pimple on the arse of progress."
* "Mayest thou dust bunnies grow fangs, you brook-nibbler who wears shoes on your feet!"
* @culturepulp: "Thou Rush midi! Thou boy-band!"
* "Thou spit-spackled no-armed centurion! May you exit your abode via a closed window!"
* @taradublinrocks: "Get thee to a rehab!"
* "I wish for you to excrete spiders, thou waxen-eyed self-hitter!"
* "Become adept at kicking your own face, you piss-reversing sewer-tonguer!"
* @carolynmain to @culturepulp: "Thou middle aged pre-teen sci-fi nerd stain on society's inseam!!!" (To which @culturepulp replied "I am killed! By Bieber's pate I am slain!")
* @IDLYITW: "Mangled flap-mouthed whorecunt! Thou shalt smile then bloweth me."
* @taradublinrocks: "Lord, what fools these Kardashians be!"
* @NormfromTexas: "Thou Hurr Durr myopic pud puller!"
* "Your shenanigans make my eyes roll all the way around & back. Your breathing makes my head hurt. Eat an encyclopedia."
* "Go make soup in your sinuses!"
* @culturepulp: "Thou resemblest an iPhone 4: fair of curve, slight in reception."
* @kiruppert to @culturepulp: "Thou vapid fool would challenge the very depths of Palin!"

But then Mike Russell contributed this:

@culturepulp: "You will hang like pretension 'pon a hipster's beard."

And I told him "And with that, thou hast won these Internets. *salutes*"

* Credit for "Yon momma" goes to online critic Scott E. Weinberg.

  • Pity Party!*

    I could have been having food and wine today, in a neat spot. I could have gone on a road trip with my folks to White Salmon, Washington, overlooking…

  • "Repairs"

    - - - - - Repairs by Christopher Walsh, 7/24/2021 Healing: needed. Healing: good. Healing: slow. Healing: once more. © Christopher Walsh,…

  • Hitchhiking to Truth (a review of a film from 2005)

    I'll review a film I said I'd review 16 years ago. Yes, 16. I checked. On Wednesday night I watched the 2005 film adaptation of Douglas Adams's…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.