This is worth seriousness.
It really does cross my mind: Why the hell, why the brain-exploding, world-screaming hell, does rape happen? Why does anyone do it?
Seriously, just: why?
I know, it's studied, it has explanations, there are power implications because it's so much about the abuse of power, it's (DEAR GOD) been used as a tool of terror throughout history, it happens in too many places for too many reasons, it could perhaps be the oldest crime in the world, but I want to reduce it as far as possible, and the act -- which has been described as the worst violation one can commit short of murder, and unlike murder the person who lived through it has to live with it -- boils down to damaged people damaging people.
Rape is not committed by a healthy person. It is not committed by a connected, tuned-in person. The person who does it may be using perception to sense who are potential targets -- and isn't that a horrible misuse of our brainpower? -- but this is a corruption of our abilities as people. It's the wrong use of them. Horribly wrong. And sometimes it hits me with bludgeon force how horribly wrong it is.
I've written about this before. The implications of what Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been accused of brought this back to my fore-mind for more thought. Being friends with a writer who works for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, who wrote today about the implications of the Assange case, and who counsels people who've been through this -- both to help those who've survived it, and to reach others before they do it and teach them with the hope that they never do it at all -- has made me more aware of the problems and issues than before. And still, with that knowledge, there's that disconnect: Why?
Why be that terrible to another person? To (sometimes) many other people?
I hope that can be some relief: I seem to have enormous trouble thinking like a rapist. Though that's a low bar to clear.
These thoughts have yet to truly cohere. They just happen sometimes.
To be highly pie-in-the-sky and sincere, I don't want people to be that awful to people. And I know that I can't 100% stop that awfulness. I know that I can do my damnedest to be a force for good, to stop or fight the bad a little at a time, to increase the good as much as I can. To stay decent. To keep caring for others. Platitudes, yes, but needed platitudes.
The deepest question we can ask is quite possibly "Why?" And, on this issue, I keep wanting to ask that question.
Just: Why?
It really does cross my mind: Why the hell, why the brain-exploding, world-screaming hell, does rape happen? Why does anyone do it?
Seriously, just: why?
I know, it's studied, it has explanations, there are power implications because it's so much about the abuse of power, it's (DEAR GOD) been used as a tool of terror throughout history, it happens in too many places for too many reasons, it could perhaps be the oldest crime in the world, but I want to reduce it as far as possible, and the act -- which has been described as the worst violation one can commit short of murder, and unlike murder the person who lived through it has to live with it -- boils down to damaged people damaging people.
Rape is not committed by a healthy person. It is not committed by a connected, tuned-in person. The person who does it may be using perception to sense who are potential targets -- and isn't that a horrible misuse of our brainpower? -- but this is a corruption of our abilities as people. It's the wrong use of them. Horribly wrong. And sometimes it hits me with bludgeon force how horribly wrong it is.
I've written about this before. The implications of what Wikileaks founder Julian Assange has been accused of brought this back to my fore-mind for more thought. Being friends with a writer who works for the Boston Area Rape Crisis Center, who wrote today about the implications of the Assange case, and who counsels people who've been through this -- both to help those who've survived it, and to reach others before they do it and teach them with the hope that they never do it at all -- has made me more aware of the problems and issues than before. And still, with that knowledge, there's that disconnect: Why?
Why be that terrible to another person? To (sometimes) many other people?
I hope that can be some relief: I seem to have enormous trouble thinking like a rapist. Though that's a low bar to clear.
These thoughts have yet to truly cohere. They just happen sometimes.
To be highly pie-in-the-sky and sincere, I don't want people to be that awful to people. And I know that I can't 100% stop that awfulness. I know that I can do my damnedest to be a force for good, to stop or fight the bad a little at a time, to increase the good as much as I can. To stay decent. To keep caring for others. Platitudes, yes, but needed platitudes.
The deepest question we can ask is quite possibly "Why?" And, on this issue, I keep wanting to ask that question.
Just: Why?
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chris_walsh- Chris Walsh
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- 2 Jun 2023, 17:05I am glad you exist and that you're choosing to blog!
Maybe not feeling poetic is a poetic state all its own?
Try to capture that feeling - I think that will be reflective of many folks'… - 2 Jun 2023, 06:59Glad you're surviving!
- 20 Jul 2021, 14:00I think I should wait until I have something better to brag about.
- 20 Jul 2021, 09:38I think it's okay to talk about your life, if you have something you want to share, even if you are doing well.
- 9 Jun 2021, 03:45I've been serving myself to watch this one day.
Comments
At some level, I worry, part of my reaction is I don't want to have to think about it. And that would be
kind ofreally privileged of me to do. There are, as you pointed out, explanations for the damage. And i'm glad I know people who are also doing what they can to repair that damage, at so many levels.This can be better. (Another platitude, but still true.)
The lesser-realized problem is that if rapists are monsters, "well, my friend can't be a rapist, because s/he's not a monster."
Thank you, again, for listening to me work through these thoughts.
Which is exactly why we do middle-school and high-school workshops about respecting and maintaining boundaries, consent, and how to be a good bystander (get through the Someone Else's Problem field)!
Here's hoping more and more people learn the good lessons.
Ultimately, you are proceeding from the perspective that compassion is the norm, but that is demonstrably not the case. Compassion for those outside of one's tribal group is a product of civilization, it is not biologically programmed into us the way that the ability to marginalize people (which was necessary as a biological function in order to compete for resources).
Thank you for reading, and for responding.