One thing about the Eighties was the saxophone. Lots of saxophone on the radio. Lots. Its careful and worthwhile use by, say, Dire Straits notwithstanding, it was already headed to Music Cliche Land when Randy Newman tweaked it with "I Love L.A." in 1983, and had camped there by 1987 when oiled-up sax guy Tim Capello sang "I Still Believe" in The Lost Boys. You heard pop music, you heard lots of wailing sax. Why there was never a Transformer who transformed into a saxophone, I WILL NEVER KNOW.

So. About saxophones. What if "Weird Al" Yankovic -- bear with me on this -- had been a little more PG-13 in his songwriting in the 1980s? He could've really called the Eighties on the cliche of the saxophone. He could've -- wait for it -- written a parody called "I Want Your Sax."

WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME THIS, EIGHTIES? C'mon, Eighties, I was good to you. I experienced you and everything. I paid attention to you, taking lots of pictures of ya. I went to school. I learned stuff. (I also figured out girls are pretty, science fiction is cool and Britishers are funny, but I probably would've figured those out on my own.) I tried your fashions -- well, some of them, mainly with the words "Hobie" and "Ocean Pacific" written on 'em. Dad sailed on six-month aircraft carrier cruises several times. HE WORKED FOR YOU. Can't you pay us back by giving me "I Want Your Sax"?

...okay, I'll just have to do that myself. (Warning: I am not "Weird Al" Yankovic. I don't have his level of talent. That said, let's play...)

There's things you press
And tunes, ya know
Fingers that depress
And things that you blow-oh
The mouthpiece fits
The neck strap slings it low
You know your charts
And you're all set to play alto

It's gold or it's silver
It's shiny and slick
It's bump-y and grind-y
To play it's a kick
You hear it in each song
On your ra-di-o
Please let me try just this once:
Pick one up and GO

I want your sax
I want your swab
I want your sax
I want your..........sax

There. I could do more, but for now I won't. Besides, I can't figure out where to fit the ROCKIN' SAX SOLO!!!

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What led to this entry? This Twitter exchange!
The guy who broadcasts the "SequelCast" podcast on Cascadia.fm: "So I like the song MAKE BELIEVE by TOTO. Guess I have a thing for bad wailing saxophones. #toto #saxophones"
Me: "It wouldn't have been the 80s without bad wailing sax."
SequelCast: "It wouldn't have been the 80s without bad wailing sex too."
Me: Weird Al could've combined that by doing a George Michael parody called "I Want Your Sax."

(I also gave the alternate reply "Was it? I never watched Skinemax.")