That's also me denying myself that little moment of satisfaction where I cross out the number next to the clue. It doesn't prevent me from possibly groaning at a bad crossword pun, but that's almost always a hazard of the crossword business. (A hazard I once wrote lyrics about.) The point is, at some level my mind maybe thinks that MAYBE I DON'T DESERVE THAT MOMENT OF SATISFACTION ANY MORE. I didn't earn it!
Gee, now I'm psyching myself out about ever doing the later-in-the-week New York Times crossword puzzles. Maybe I should try doing those. In pencil.
...oh, yes, I do crosswords in pen. Yes, you should be impressed.
Maybe I do earn some crossword-based satisfaction.