Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

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A slip, a bit

It's not a perfect path, getting past anything difficult and unexpected, even when it's not earth-shattering. Which is fancy wording for this: last night I got wrapped up again in the, I think, unfair situation I was thrown into when I got fired Tuesday. Dwelling on it, feeling stuck, being worried about what I do next.

An acquaintance said to me on Wednesday night that the grief process still applies to this kind of loss. I'm still going through the stages. Last night was one of the lower points. Of course it hits when I'm attempting sleep, when the only thing I can do to cope is get enough rest -- I can't get a job interview RIGHT THEN -- and my mind gets in the way of my relaxing enough to sleep. I did, eventually -- I slept all right, in fact -- but before that, I was hung up on the woulda-coulda-shouldas that make me wonder how I could've avoided getting fired, how it's not fair, how I wonder if I could've done that job better, how I feel I wasn't given a chance to do better, how I wish I'd fought more, how how how...

And that gets me nowhere beyond wound up. And I went through that madness on Tuesday night already, and I want to get past that madness.

Bitterness won't help. Don't fall into that trap, Chris.

This is me acknowledging that I still have work to do. Doing what I can. That can include cleaning: I've already scrubbed the shower floor, after which I showered. Maybe that will also include re-reading the part of Lisa Desjardins's and Rick Emerson's Zombie Economics about getting past getting fired.

Because I have to get past this. Maybe I'm feeling low now, but this will get better.

Edited To Add: What didn't help last night was getting stuffed up and sniffly. So I was thinking Don't get sick, don't sick and powering down Vitamin C, because getting sick right now would be adding insult to injury. I want to be able to say "I still havemy health"! (I'm better now.)
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