Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

I was a jerk. (Stronger language follows.)

I was an asshole.

I then apologized for being an asshole.

That's been my morning. Here's more detail, because when I am a jerk, I need to own up to it, apologize for it, and repair any damage I might have done because of that:

Before 8:00, soon after I'd woken up, I was out walking: coat, sweatpants, boots, red wool cap. I'd reached Genie's at SE 11th and Division, where there's a Portland Mercury box because I'd wanted a copy. A woman riding her bike up Division rode up onto the sidewalk. I wasn't sure where to go; I shifted around a bit, then I stopped so I'd stop being a moving target. She rode past me, fairly close, and pulled up to the couple of doors in the middle of the building, the apartment entrance next to the Genie's entrance.

I got annoyed. (This partly explains why.) But: I got annoyed. I started arguing with her. "Don't ride on the sidewalk." "I wasn't." She'd only ridden the last few yards on the sidewalk. She said, "I was riding here." I said, "But don't do it on the sidewalk."

As she was about to unlock the door to Genie's, I did the jerk move. I scurried up to her.

"Don't crowd me," she said.

"I'm just on the sidewalk," I said, as blandly as I could manage.

"Get out of my personal space," she said.

I did.

"Fuck you," she said.

I walked away without saying anything, except to myself.

"Proud of yourself?" I said to myself.

I walked home, thinking. I kept thinking when I got home. And the thoughts kept boiling down to Proud of yourself?

After I showered and dressed, I did something. I wrote a note. I opened with "From the asshole in the yellow jacket this morning..." I followed that with "I was an asshole. I'm sorry." I wrote more, but that boils it down. Because I was an asshole, and she hadn't deserved that. And armed with that, I walked back up to Genie's.

I found her, apologized to her, and left the note. We spoke briefly. She appreciated that I was willing, to her face, to apologize. She also didn't do what was within her rights, which would've been to say Don't come here anymore. I knew that that was a possibility -- the We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone signs are in businesses for a reason -- and I hoped it wouldn't come to that, but if it did, I wouldn't really have much basis to complain. I like Genie's, and go there when I can, but if I make people uncomfortable there, then I'd keep being an asshole.

When I go back there, I'll be able to look people in the eye.
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 0 comments