Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

The Facial Hair Styles of Christopher Walsh

Today, while I was shaving my facial hair -- after I decided I wanted to donate my facial hair* to docbrite, but realized A) that's not possible and B) Doc's on his way to being able to grow more facial hair, and more power to him -- I decided to run through my possible facial hair styles. The thing is, I just shaved off my first genuine goatee, as in hair on the chin but not above the lip (much like my namesake character, Sebacean captain Kris W'lash; see icon to the upper left), because I was getting annoyed with maintaining it, especially around the sides of my mouth. Also, it seemed like hipster affectation, like I was trying to get back on Pottlandia. I go for the Van Dyke, where there's hair above and below, and that seems to fit my face better.

What doesn't fit my face? A mustache. I know. I tried. Photo proof from Sept. 3rd, 2008, courtesy Mike Russell:

That was at the Bagdad, before the Midnight Movie screening of Smokey and the Bandit. Cort Webber, Bobby "Fatboy" Roberts and their then-bosses KUFO FM encouraged people to wear mustaches to the showing because, hey, BURT MOFO REYNOLDS. The station even had a "print this out and put it on your face" fake mustache on its website. Some people arrived with Sharpie'd-on 'staches. But me, I could have the genuine article, so I did. Still, when someone compared me to William H. Macy's character from Boogie Nights, I instinctively felt the back of my head to be sure it was still there. And for the next day or so, while I still had the mustache, I'd burst out laughing each time I saw it in a mirror. So, I shaved. And will not be doing a mustache again.

I can't do a fuller beard, either. It doesn't get even long-ish anymore, let alone full and long. Back in college, it would get long-ish, but wispy, at most like Chris Barron from the Spin Doctors. It'll never be full, luscious, Civil War-general-level bushy. I accepted that long ago. (And even with that little bit of facial hair when I was a college student, people said I looked more like a Viking, or even Jesus Christ. Someone said that and I flashed on the line from the Dire Straits song "Industrial Disease": "Two men say they're Jesus/ One of them must be wrong...")

So. Clean-shaven or Van Dyke. Both work. And for me, that's fine.

* Also it made me wonder if Facial Hair donation or Donated Facial Hair is the better band name.

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