This is me reminding myself that, in some ways, I am lucky. Because right now I don't really feel it.
An incident today has a bit to do with that feeling: I was downtown, in the South Park Blocks headed towards Central Library -- hooray for cheap time-occupiers -- when two former co-workers of mine, from my most recent office job, saw me and said hi. And I blanked on their names. One of them said hers, and before she said it, I briefly wondered if I'd worked with her at my hospital job, the one I ended in 2008; the other I could only remember by sight, not by name. I was last in that office in December -- not really that long ago. But that's half a year of not having the mental reinforcement of who's who over there, five days a week. And they were both people I liked working with.
But come on, Chris, that's a sample of two. Had I run into more of those in that office, I would probably do better at remembering faces and names. I want to; I want to show that sign of respect, and (when warranted) affection, by knowing who's who. If I went up there now (well, probably not now, as 3:30 on a Friday afternoon that office, like many offices, might be getting sparse) I'd recognize bunches of people.
(Tactic I adopted back in my newspaper days, when I met so many people that I had trouble keeping track of many of them: sometimes I'd stick my hand out for a handshake and tell someone "We may have met before, but if we haven't, hi, I'm Chris Walsh..." People responded well to that. I got no huffiness: "What?! You don't remember me?!" Which was good, because I had to be someone people wanted to talk to.)
But not remembering the names of those particular two got to me. More than it should have. (Again, sample of two.) Would I have felt better if they'd not noticed me? If I'd not noticed them, and we'd just passed, not exchanging glances? Remember, Chris: as far as you know, you have no former co-workers anywhere who'd actively avoid you. (Yes, this sometimes is how I have to reassure myself.)
There's other feeling mixed up in that, feeling I'd rather not blog about at this time or I'll keep putting off the end of this entry, but today has been a concerned/bothered look on my face kind of day. If I'm thinking in circles, I need to break out of that circle.
This is a moment. May new moods come for later moments.