Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

Another hang-up pondered

Gifts. Even in my get-rid-of-stuff mode, I think about them. My birthday's coming up, followed two months later by Christmas, so those are chances for gifts. (One Christmas, I specifically asked for no gifts; I didn't really need anything, or want anything I couldn't eventually get on my own. I also admitted that year that I would've had trouble getting gifts for others, so I requested that so I'd feel less like I was mooching off of people.)

It occurred to me: I don't quite like asking too specificly for any gift. "I want exactly THAT." Seems too obvious. Seems a little like pulling a Ralphie, the ne plus ultra of someone wanting One Single Really Important Thing. "I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!" He almost says that in the film like he's training for the only kid part David Mamet's ever written; the kid says it fast. Maybe it's more quotable that way.

There's no interpretation, which can be fun. ("That he wants [XYZ] is a sign that he'd actually really appreciate [TUV], so he'll be surprised.") There's mainly just WANT, and I've been raised to do my best not to want something just for that something's "thing"-ness. My family was never about the hip toys, except maybe a bit when Star Wars toys and then Transformers toys started coming out. (Turned out, though I didn't know this until years later, that even Dad thought those Transformers toys were fun.) Get stuff we'll enjoy, that we'll use, that will please us and keep pleasing us; good habit when you're moving, on average, once every 18 months because of Dad's Navy assignments. So we tend not to do the "six months" rule, "if something's in a box six months after you've moved, you don't need it." WE MIGHT. Since we've honestly usually not had all that much. And I've carried that over into my living-on-my-own life. Things need to get checked for their usefulness.

Here's the thing (and why this innocuous entry is Friends-Locked): As my current money's going mostly for rent, bills, and food, I've been really careful about buying anything else. But things have come down the pike that would be or would've been nice to get, but I'd need to ask for them as a gift; otherwise I couldn't afford them. Mark Knopfler's in town next month, opening for Bob Dylan; why didn't I ask for a ticket to that show? Or even just check what the prices would be, since they're not going to be Book of Mormon: the Musical gasp-inducing? (I just checked; remaining tickets to that show are in the $50-$90 range.)

Because I don't want to impose. Because I don't want to be too obvious. Because I want to ensure my chance to be happily surprised by a gift. Because I want to earn enough to have the option of getting that on my own. Or heck, affording to give THAT as a gift; I'm not the only Mark Knopfler fan in my family. T.J.'s been better at giving gifts to the folks. I hope I'm giving them more than love and my charming personality. Yeah, another thing I can get insecure about when I shouldn't get insecure about it.

This makes me increasingly glad that Mom and Dad did a good job of making us not feel poor, even when, early on, we kind of were. Not poverty level, obviously, but lower middle class. Which is probably at least a little better than I'm doing now.

Meanwhile, there's a certain other thing I want. Maybe a silly thing, but I hope to be able to afford it: Big-Ass Sandwiches (soon to move to a new location) occasionally sells limited-edition hoodies. I do not have a hoodie. I want THAT hoodie, and then feel satisfied that I've met my hoodie needs. (I know, I've gotten by for YEARS hoodie-less -- I've had at least one before, a long time ago -- but these are real nice hoodies.) The gang at Big-Ass Sandwiches is pre-selling them now, for the next two weeks. Do I try to get one? Do I try asking for my folks to get me one? Do I let myself want that enough to, one way or another, get that? Am I thinking too much about this? Am I silly to think this much about this?

NICE hoodie, yo. One that I'd wear, like my Big-Ass Sandwiches T-shirt.

F it, y'all, I'm going to try to swing one on my own. Sometime after I've slept.

May you earn enough to be comfortable.

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