crazyHeadline, 12:52 p.m.: BIRDS THWART REVIVAL SCREENING OF "SNAKES ON A PLANE"
Headline, 1:46 p.m.: LENNY BRUCE CONFIRMED RETURNED FROM DEAD; ANNOUNCES "I AM NOT AFRAID"
Headline, 1:58 p.m.: HURRICANE ACHIEVES SENTIENCE, LISTENS TO ITSELF CHURN
Headline, 2:01 p.m.: WORLD LEARNS HOW TO SERVE ITS OWN NEEDS (Blog entry title, same day: WHAT ABOUT YOUR OWN NEEDS?)
Transmission from a spy's radio, 2:32 p.m.: "Feed it off an aux speak, grunt, no strength the ladder starts to clatter with the fear, fight down height, wire in a fire: [pauses] representing seven games with a government for hire and a combat site..."
Headline in "Corrections" section, 2:57 p.m.: FURRIES BREATHED DOWN HURRYING PEOPLE'S NECKS, NOT "FURIES" AS REPORTED EARLIER
Headline, 3:11 p.m.: TRUMP BAFFLES REPORTERS YET AGAIN
[meanwhile, crops just keep growing, yielding common food (but it'll do), which people serve themselves. Then...]
[blogger posts review of The Absolute Dummy's Guide to the Rapture]
5:14 p.m., Website "Vitriolic Patriotic" : [flurry of posts, often with words "Pretty Psyched" and "Feeling Fine"]
Seen on Twitter, 6:01 p.m.: "Caught in "Foreign Towers"! Can't change channel!"
6:05 p.m.: Slash: *burns*
(A guitar. He had a Hendrix moment. It's allowed. But he's churning about it, because he'd planned to return it...)
[...and meanwhile, no, book burning and bloodletting are too depressing to write about. Moving on... past votive candles and heel-crushing, too...]
Spam email, 6:27 p.m.: NO FEAR CLOTHING COMPANY ADDS "CAVALIER," "RENEGADE" PRODUCT LINES
Dozens of people: *steer clear*
6:31 p.m.: Closing ceremony of Tall-Tale-Tellers Convention begins with "Tournament of Lies"
Headline, 6:46 p.m.: SOLUTIONS, ALTERNATIVES DECLINED
6:47 p.m.: Person taking a nap begins dreams of knives on a mountain
6:48 p.m.-midnight: Continents drift 0.000000000000000000007 mm
All day: Mountains loom
All day, in graves: LEONARD BERNSTEIN, LEONID BRESHNEV, AND LESTER BANGS (but not Lenny Bruce; remember he's back?!)
7:11 p.m. Person blows candle on birthday cheesecake (topped with a jelly bean)
7:11 p.m. and 6 seconds: jelly bean: *explodes*
Transmission to a spy's radio, 11:07 p.m.: You symbiotic, patriotic, slam book neck, right?
Spy, 11:08 p.m.: Right.
11:59:59 p.m.: World ends. I mean the day. The day ends.
(What the hell inspired this? THIS.)
