Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

The relative value of different types of crates

The success of Loot Crate of course would breed imitators!

Root Crate: just add soil and water, and "grow your own" can cover even more
Boot Crate: actually a possibly workable idea, based on the people I know who like boots
Hoot Crate: when you want the sound of owls without having to look at those eyes
Yoot Crate: fails after the tasteless ad where the late Fred Gwynne says "What's a Yoot?"
Scoot Crate: "Smallest scooter ever! No, smaller than that. Wait, where are you going..."
Suit Crate: steam-irons the suits by delivering crates through Honduras
Flute Crate: will be a success once they're humidity controlled (wait, the company's delivering crates through Honduras)
Newt Crate: a little unreliable, because deliveries mostly come at night...mostly
Glute Crate: a failure, because people found easier ways to get some ass
Zoot Crate: crates were too large to be practical
Sew Crates: "Sewing is a most excellent diversion," say spokespeople Bill and Ted (it fails, though: too heavy)
Groot Crate: it's OK, enough of Groot grows back after making each one to be sustainable
Exeunt Crate: too many people heard it and thought, "Gesundheit"
Ute Crate: too niche, until the rest of the Pac12 starts to notice
Poot Crate: "Like the smell of your own farts? Share!"
Coot Crate: you don't want just any old man to yell at a cloud...
Pollute Crate: in trouble from Day One
Moot Crate: pointless

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