Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

Here, feel a good breeze from me venting

Argh: WHY DO I DWELL.

WHAT ACTUAL BENEFIT DO I GET FROM IT.

HOW DID IT TAKE ME 42 YEARS OF DWELLING TO MAKE A COST/BENEFIT ANALYSIS (a quick one, at least) THAT MAYBE IT IS COUNTER-PRODUCTIVE MAYBE.

ARGH.

An annoying thing happened this morning. My decent mood ran away angrily yelling. What happened was, I was crossing a street and a driver barely made any effort to avoid turning into me as he turned. HE WAVED TO ME. Yeah, take one of two hands off the freaking steering wheel as you drive distractedly and risk my freaking life because you have somewhere to be. I do too, idiot.

Buuuuuuuuuuuuuut now, because I am me, I am stewing in my "HE ALMOST HIT ME" juices, staying mad while that driver heads off somewhere and probably doesn't even remember nearly hitting me. Imagining something awful happening to the guy is vaguely satisfying, but does nothing. It's not like I can will the guy to faceplant...and I'd be the asshole if I did have the ability to do that and use that.

Basically there's no way to react to this without me being an asshole. WHICH I DON'T WANT TO BE. (I chase the guy? I'm an asshole. I hit or throw something at his car? I'm an asshole, plus the only thing I'd had on hand that was easy to grab and sufficiently throwable was my cell phone GEE, BAD IDEA TO ASSAULT WITH SOMETHING THAT CAN BE EASILY TRACED TO YOU. Right?) (And I know, BAD IDEA TO ASSAULT, full stop.)

But I dwell. It's a habit. A well-developed one. I can just TRY TO NIP DWELLING IN THE BUD.

And now, at least, I am having a really good breakfast (yay, Beulahland!) and I can let that help improve my mood. 'Kay?

'Kay?
Tags: peregrinations
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