Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

The economics of ant-sized pizzas

Ants are deprived of pizzas. You simply can't make them small enough. All stoves are too large. The stove controls, too. How would they spread out a 5-millimeter circle of dough? Precisely drop drops of sauce? Get micro-sized pepperoni, sausage, peppers, anchovy shavings, bacon bit bits, mini mushroom stems? Any cheese would be too big. Even a single grated piece of Parmesan'd be too large. Any ant trying to cut a pineapple slice down to size would probably drown in the juice. (THIS IS WHY I DON'T GET PIZZA WITH PINEAPPLE. That and I don't like pineapple.)

But...but...ants could carry them. Oh, how they could carry them. Tiny little towers of pizzas, stacked on the backs of ant after ant, balanced by two of their six legs as they march (if they weren't using those legs instead to play the world's smallest violins...).

Wouldn't even need tiny pizza boxes, because ants will eat anything in any condition. It's science! (Science is fun.)

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