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A late Halloween admission:

I keep missing Halloween stuff. I keep missing the Halloween spirit.

I can be better about being in that spirit.

Conceptually, Halloween should be big for me. It's fun and theatrical, for kids and for adults. Good excuse to get out, either walking or partying. (I know people whose Halloween parties have been legendary.) It's often funny. For adults, it's often sexy, though the proliferation of "Sexy __________" costumes is ridiculous and depressing.

And I like making kids laugh and smile! That's nice to do.

Yet it's been years since I've given out candy on Halloween. It's also been years since I've been to a haunt, even though Portland has had the great Frighttown. I went there in 2009. I made honking noises there.

I helped out, slightly, at last year's Halloween, giving out candy with my friend Riona and her dad; and the year before that, Riona and I attended a live reading of the Mercury Theatre "War of the Worlds."

Some parties: I have Halloween-loving friends who put those on.

But I don't think to figure out costumes. I don't spend much time or money on them. I'm weirdly proud of what I did two years ago, but I've rarely done anything more elaborate. Heck, as a teenager, my go-to costume for a time was just my dad's old fighter pilot helmet. I shouldn't feel pressure from how cool my friends' costumes are; I know professional cosplayers, actors, and other performers, and they're welcoming; they won't look down on me for doing simple outfits. This is one of my own hangups.

I can do this.

I can do this more.

I want to do this more.

Too late for this Halloween, of course; and a lot of life circumstances are making it harder for me to get into Halloween right now. But similar circumstances have happened before. I'm sick of blaming them.

Let's see how I feel 11 months from now. Will I be more Halloween-y? Because I can.