March 6th, 2007

Scorpio

Possibly the most strangely civilized zombie dream ever

Very involved dream this morning. An "end of the world as we know it" dream: me on a large ship in either the Arctic or Antarctic, going around and checking up on people who had intentionally exiled themselves on ice floes. Because, um, they were becoming zombies, and wanted to be far, far away from other people when the time came that they would fully transform into zombies. Even with the fantastical premise -- and the presence (somehow) of my hilarious fellow LJ'er apocalypsos (who's written zombie stories herself, come to think of it), who was commenting on the situation -- it was a surprisingly sad dream. I saw memorials of flowers and crosses that were left on the floes, like commemorations of accident victims that you find on the sides of highways, to remember people who had died already in the outbreak; perhaps they had killed themselves or let themselves be killed before they were fully transformed.

I also had a part of the dream that seemed like a flashback, to the beginning of the outbreak, where I and a family I don't recognize (but my family, according to the dream-logic) were in a bad road accident with a truck driver who had just gone through the zombie transformation. I "flashed back" to this more than once, as if it were supposed to explain everything. Yes, my dreams can be very cinematic. And then I'd be back in the ship, knowing that the world was ending but doing a job in the meantime. I think everyone was trying to remember the world as it was, and the people in it, before the outbreak had changed everything.

Another oddness: I strongly got the feeling, both late in the dreaming and upon waking up, that I'd dreamed this dream at least once before...but now I'm sure I never have. I'm feeling that now just as strongly as I believed in the dream's recurrance while I was dreaming it.

I might need some time to shake loose of this dream.
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Whale fluke

"I've set off other people's gaydar before..."

I've been thinking...

And I'm quite possibly either overthinking this or under-thinking it, so I pose a question to those of you who are part of the GLBT spectrum: Was I being too flippant when I wrote this?:

Yes, I've outed myself (outed? outted? Hey, my friends who've come out of the closet, what's the correct spelling? Neither looks quite right...): I've listened to a LOT of Mr. [Neil] Diamond in my life.

The thing is, after I wrote that, I started to think I shouldn't have used the term "outed myself." And I owned up to that tonight, when someone asked me, based on that entry, if I was gay. First I answered "no" (adding "I've set off other people's gaydar before")1, then admitted that I'd been too cavalier last night. Coming out is a big deal. It's an important thing.2 It's about the power of both identity and honesty. And I used "outed" like a gag.

I actually haven't been privy to many coming-outs. Two of my cousins have come out (I found out after the fact both times; semi-long story, but telling it would make this even more about me); several of my friends (obviously) are out, I think all of them before I knew them; even the new-to-Portland DJ Mitch Elliott, now co-host with a DJ I like named Daria, publicly came out on-air. His friends and colleagues had known for years, of course, but he and Daria mutually decided it was both bold and right to make it known more widely. (They found a funny way to do it, too.) But generally my reaction to finding out someone's out has been first "Oh," and then "That's good." (And, usually, "That's actually not that big a surprise.")

So: In my ever-ongoing efforts to be a better person, I ask: Was I too cavalier? Honesty will be welcomed; meanness will be deleted (though I seriously doubt y'all would do that). Teasing's OK. (I once got teased by Caitlin R. Kiernan on her old phorum; she wrote "You can't be straight. Only gay guys can quote The Pet Shop Boys." Which would be news to Pet Shop Boys fans Don Geronimo and Mike O'Meara, but I digress...)

Curious, it's
Chris

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1 I do have a documented man-crush on Jason Lee, but that doesn't mean he's the Lee I want to sleep with (I vote Amy Lee!).

2 I also, personally, have a big problem with outing others; I think it's counter-productive to the cause of getting the population at large to deal more intelligently with non-straight people.
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