January 20th, 2008

iAm iSaid

The Epic of the Laundry

In which our hero shows he can be a weenie…

OK, I may have been a weenie. I present the (obviously biased; I mean, I’m me) evidence for you to ponder. You might be glad I don’t do all the things I think.

My apartment building has 10 studios, one 1-bedroom apartment, and one washer and dryer. Usually this is enough for all of us and our laundrying needs. I started this weekend with an on-the-verge-of-overflowing laundry basket and the knowledge that yep, I’d need to do at least a load, ideally Saturday. (Cleeeeeeeeen. It’s important to be clean. Cleeeeeeeeen.) I tend to wake up pre-dawn, whether it’s the week or the weekend, so I figured early Saturday would be a good time to get started. So I woke up and checked on the laundry room. A finished load was in the washer.

It was there in the midday when I left to buy groceries. It was there when I got back. It was there when I left for my next trip up to Everyday Music and Burgerville. It was still there when I got back. Half an hour of washing on Friday night + a full day of mellowing = someone either forgot or had to leave (or left and then forgot). Which is a pet peeve of mine: Other people need to do laundry. We shouldn’t have to wait that long because you forgot.

Now, I could’ve unloaded the wet clothes. I’ve lived in a college dorm; I’m not squeamish about touching other people’s laundry. But I didn’t want to. That’s different from unloading a dried load; whoever this person was didn’t deserve to have clean wet clothes possibly get dirtied again. If that person was out, then there’d be no point in knocking on doors to ask “Hey, that your washer load?,” which I also didn’t want to do. I figured I’d wait. Be patient. Check in the morning; I was tired, and more in the mood to sleep than wrangle with laundry, both mine and someone else’s. I’d unload if the washing machine were still loaded Sunday morning.

It was still loaded Sunday morning. Okay, now the knocking on doors seemed a better idea. But early Sunday morning’s a bad time for that. So more waiting; still hesitant to unload. Finally, I went down and saw evidence that someone other than me had gone there! But here it got slightly confusing, because a load was drying, and the washer was open. With wet clothes still in it. Okay, wait more. Next visit, the dryer was emptied; the washer still had wet clothes. I ran up to my studio, got paper towels, put them on the counter, and put the wet clothes on top of that. So at least I did it in a sanitary way. (I’ll be what I am. Sanitary Man.) My washing began. And next time I went to the basement, my wash load was finishing and the clothes I’d unloaded were drying. By the time that dryer load finished, I parked myself in the laundry room with a book, on the off chance that the other person would arrive and unload presently. (I like the word “presently.”)

Nope, no unloading, even after waiting awhile, even after that person had to remember the load. I have less compunction about unloading someone’s dry clothes, so I did. I loaded my load, and I admit, by then I was annoyed.

How did I show that? With the thought I should’ve started skipping through the building, making a little bit of noise and just saying “Laundry, laundry, laundry…”

Yeah, I know, really passive-aggressive of me. I also resisted leaving a note in the front entrance that said Is it that hard to remember your laundry? Really? That would’ve been even more passive-aggressive and obnoxious. And jeez, Chris, this could’ve been solved by listening to which apartments had sound coming from them and knocking on those doors and asking people. Is it really so hard to find whose laundry it is and ask that person to finish it?

Yeah, I have issues.

This has been a true story.
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Another reason to hate Meet the Spartans

So the people responsible for the laugh-free, nay, parody-free parodies Date Movie and Epic Movie have marched on to parodying 300 -- a film that's practically its own parody already -- with Meet the Spartans. (And how appropriate that the current Plot Synopsis message on IMDb's listing for the film is "This plot synopsis is empty"?)

I've seen another reason to hate this film: thanks to a commerical, I know that it uses the YouTube clip of the guy tearfully defending Britney Spears and screaming "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!"

This A) makes no frappin' sense and B) shows that the filmmakers are so starved for ideas that they're willing to troll the Internet for content and use someone else's material...again, in a way that makes no frappin' sense. (The word "Frappin'" is brought to you by my guilty pleasure the Starbucks Frappuccino. Or at least I think it must be.) And it's cynical, as if the filmmakers know that there's no way this film can have any kind of staying power -- I kind of doubt it'll be playing revival houses and museums in the future -- so put in a reference (not even a joke) that's very much of-the-moment (actually, of a moment from a couple of months ago; the Internet moves fast) and hope the sheer "Huh?" factor of a modern-day guy screamingly telling Spartans to "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!" will get a laugh somehow. Scary Movie 2, the worst of the Scary Movie movies, did kind of the same thing by throwing in a parody of a TV commercial, but the half-life of anything on TV is still likely to be longer than most anything on the Internet.

Add that it'll probably be funny to people who A) would actually pay to see any of the above movies and B) would look at that kid and laugh "Hah! He's a fag in mascara!" and it's even more depressing.

The one good thing is that (I hope) Chris Crocker got paid well for use of the clip. Or maybe (he added cynically) the filmmakers reshot it with their own mascara'd kid so Crocker would get nothing from it; I didn't see enough of the clip to be sure if it's the real one. (This is not a knock on Chris Crocker; I actually think the young man has spunk, to borrow blubeagle's word for him. I want him to do well, whatever he does.)

This helps obliterate the potential good will generated by casting good guy Kevin Sorbo in Meet the Spartans, which is the one positive (maybe) thing I can imagine from the existence of a movie like Meet the Spartans.

You know, this almost could've been an entry by yendi. It's good I can pinch-hit for him when he's off at Arisia or somewhere. (Hey, robyn_ma! You don't have to be the only yendi impersonator!)
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I've been snacking on dried mangos. I like dried fruits. They're gummy. I am a person who once declared the Swedish Fish to be the perfect snack food; of course I'm likely to like gummy snacks.


To quote the gummy expert from that episode of The Simpsons, "That is the Gummy Venus De Milo, specially crafted by Gummy artisans who work entirely in the medium of Gummy!" (And to quote Marge's response, "Would you stop saying 'Gummy'?")

Gummy. Gummy. Gummy gummy gummy gummy...
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    Giants at Packers (nothing's gummy there, it's too cold!)

Happy Birthday, blusfrog

blusfrog? Don't get clogged by happy-birthday monologues,
But catalogue in your Captain's Log those messages leaving you agog,
'Cause the analogue to the birth of Frog is the birth of tasty, tasty grog
Yes! It's that important! And I hope you've prog-
Ressed to enjoyment...and have not had a birthday slog!

Happy Birthday, blusfrog. Enjoy it.

(I'm enjoying this birthday-wish-by-doggerel thing, I'll keep doing it...)

(also with thanks to blubeagle for pointing it out)