Finally! A new Harry Knowles piece that's actually readable! He cracks open the thesaurus to explain his feelings about Roland Emmerich's 10,000 B.C.:
You see – I’ve tried to think of the proper term to describe the utter lack of basic intelligence that went into the making of 10,000 B.C. I flirted with the term… DAFT – but it just didn’t quite seem to be the right thump. So I went to Thesaurus.Com – Retarded and learned that I could use the following phrases: backward, birdbrained, defective, dim, dim-witted, dopey, dull, dumbbell, dumbo, dumdum, dummy, exceptional, feeble-minded, gorked (I like that one), half-witted, held back, imbecile, lamebrained, mentally defective, moronic, numbskull, opaque, pinhead, retardo, sappy, simple, simple-minded, slow, slow-witted, stupid, subnormal, touched, underachieving, weak or yo-yo.Profanity, insanity and descriptions of Hot Stone Age AssTM follow.
Frankly – none of those really feel right. You see… 10,000 B.C. is blissfully retarded.