September 27th, 2009

Whale fluke

First-draft attempted poetry

Whirls within whirls:
Spinning amongst spinning amongst stillmore spinning
The limbs linked by finger grip, or arched and pulled outward (centrifugal force)
Clomps, squeaks, slams, slides of myriad feet,
either beating or caressing the floor
As if gravity were taking brief breaks, or resting itself;
The bodies in a crush, or in controlled falls before being caught, and pulled back,
As if each dancer's
personal gravity asserted itself, pulled more strongly
To that dancer's partner.
Dance: a force.

This...this came about from my desire to bring more imagery to my journal tonight. It is about as close as I let myself get to the first draft of a poem; usually I wait to share poems until they're a little more considered, but at times, letting it flow: this helps.

I want and need to write more poetry.

This poem © Christopher Walsh, 2009. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christopher Walsh (chris_walsh) with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
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Ex-Ex, Ex-Why: a slight gender thing

Someone, not too long ago, asked me:

If you could be female for 24 hours, would you do it? What would you do?

What, being an honorary lesbian doesn't count? *ducks stuff thrown from several directions by several friends*

I kid, I kid. Though as I've said, being an "honorary lesbian" would seem to explain a lot of my taste in women... Now to answer a little closer to properly:

Back in junior high, I was neutral-looking. Not androgynous, not really; just, at times, indeterminate. Short hair on my head, no facial hair yet, and hidden under clothes that didn't fit 100% well because I didn't put much thought into my wardrobe. Plus I tended to have poofy coats, for cold (by my standards) Virginia winters. So at least twice, I was called "Ma'am" to my face. So at least twice, briefly, someone's thought I was a woman. Hasn't happened in 20-plus years, but the first time that happened? Yeah, it kind of threw me. To the point that I've consciously avoided going to Baskin-Robbins stores since then, only going once and that was with a group. (The second time? Didn't throw me as much. That was at a video store.)

I've definitely always felt like A Male. The XY combination fits me. It was chance that I was born male instead of female, but if I think about that I think about how it was chance that I existed in the first place, and that's a much bigger idea to wrap my mind around. (Which reminds me: Once when I was really young, I and the rest of my family were looking at photos from before I was born, and I thought the parents had hidden me away somewhere. I got emotional about not being there in the photos. I wasn't yet old enough to understand or deal with the idea that, at a time in the past, I wasn't around at all.)

I'm actually having trouble answering these questions. Which makes me think I wouldn't really want to be a woman for 24 hours. Or have thoughts about what I'd do were I home to the XX combination. Or, more broadly (sorry), even be able to properly conceive an answer. On top of that, I'd worry about being somehow insulting in my answer, or answering in platitudes. I have friends and acquaintances who could answer this far more eloquently than me.

So: I enjoy being a guy. That may be the closest I can come to an answer.