January 6th, 2010

Blow My Mind

A possibily narcissistic post

It's like I have trouble accepting that people would find me attractive.

Even though I've gotten proof that people do, and even though I know the saw "Everybody is somebody's type," I've never reached the point that I expect it. I'm surprised when it happens. Being the only person who's experiencing Me from inside, and being fully aware of my weirdnesses and weak spots and maybe not aware enough of my strengths and my "draws," at some level when I hear that someone finds me attractive I'm thinking This almost doesn't compute. I know that being confident can help with drawing people to you -- Jeez, that sounds narcissistic (argh why do I have thoughts like that) -- and I'm tryng to build on that. I can be better at drawing people to me. And, more generally, I can be better at being social. That's been another battle. And I have been better. So: I can build on that. Have it be less of a battle. Because it shouldn't be a battle: it should be a happy, affirming thing, interacting with interesting people, some of whom I find attractive and some of whom find me attractive.

Attraction is such an alchemy: it can come from unexpected circumstances. It can come from all sorts of things. It happens a lot. It's like I forget that. And we're back to the start of this entry.

I am not asking for affirmation here. It's mainly what's on my mind at the moment. Woke up moody and wistful, too, and I'm not totally sure why. Things can be better. Things can be good. Building on The Good is also good. Time to do that. Time to keep doing that. I'll like the result.
  • Current Music
    New Order, "True Faith" (ooo, I like that; I needed that)

Not gonna do it

The "Friends With Benefits" meme: I won't be doing that. So you know. Even doing it with screened comments makes it feel too public to me. I also think/feel/believe that it's a bad idea for me to do the Friends With Benefits thing in reality. I like to think I'm good at friendships, and I worry about complicating them. Friendship building to more-than-friendship, great, that happens a lot to a lot of people. But I know that inclinations and circumstances often mean I can't reciprocate (e.g. I'm a monogamous person with a lot of poly friends; plus a lot of my online friends are way the hell over in other parts of the country I don't get to too often). I'd want to be able to reciprocate. Not in these circumstances.

So. The "Friends With Benefits" meme: I won't be doing that.
iAm iSaid

Still a soap opera fan at heart

Wanted an image of a hospital for a work project (related to an as-yet unbuilt and thus unphotographable hospital) today. Briefly (briefly, briefly) considered just using an image from General Hospital.

(Hey, it's an American institution! It has a Spider-Man actor in it! It's now the second-longest-running TV show ever! It used to have a weird-ass 45-minutes-a-day runtime, which amuses me! It's had a slew of spinoffs, including one that used that guy from Twin Peaks and Carnivale!)

NOTE: Some facts provided by Wikipedia's General Hospital page. One or two I knew off the top of my head. Fear me. (And I barely watched General Hospital back in the day.)