November 30th, 2010

Admiral Ackbar

"Yeah, you're a tad off-base, sir. That thing looked like the Manson Family Christmas Special."

We're almost to December. We're almost to the next Cort and Fatboy Midnight Movie. And it's both Christmas-y and cruel. It's



Scrooged (1988) returns to a movie screen. Its dark, twisted, dirty-feeling version of Christmas, what with that assault on Santa's workshop and Bill Murray as the world's worst boss getting sense pounded into him will reach Portland geeks' eyeballs. And for the first time in 22 years, the end-credits gag will play properly. (Had the film been made a year or two later, the filmmakers probably would've shot a different end-credits sequence for home viewing, like the difference between the theatrical Gremlins 2: The New Batch and the VHS Gremlins 2: The New Batch.)

But! That image only tells some of what's coming! Behold/tremble/stand slack-jawed at the glory of what'll happen before the film:



Yes! Revel in seeing the people who now seem to live in your computer thanks to podcasting, doing their shit schtick live for 600 Portland geeks! Regular Cort and Fatboy guests Aaron "Geek in the City" Duran, David "Bad Azz Mofo" Walker, Courtenay "Live Wire" Hameister, Byron "Byron Beck" Beck, and Mike "Culture Pulp" Russell will make your eardrums vibrate and your heart feel warm.

And! Between this two-hour all-we-do-is-talk-talk thing and the actual movie, the audience will see the glory that is David Walker's short epic Black Santa's Revenge, starring Ken Foree of Dawn of the Dead as a community center Santa who takes on Christmas-thieving thugs. This film's DVD has the warning "Although this film is Not Rated, and runs only 20 minutes, it contains enough violence, nudity and profanity for an entire feature!!! Viewer discretion is advised." This ain't the pansy-ass Viewer's Discretion of Family Guy, no sir. (Oh, and by the way: I've seen Black Santa's Revenge with a theater audience. I can't wait to see how it goes over for Friday night's crowd.)

All this -- ALL THIS, yo -- is yours if you're in Portland Friday, have 3 bucks and are 21 or older. It's at the Bagdad. Doors open at the special ultra-early time of 8:00. "Faces of Meh" starting at 8:30, Black Santa's Revenge at 10:30, Scrooged in all its cynical glory at 11:00, staggering out come 1-ish.

This is going to be good.