April 30th, 2011

Whale fluke

"Cryptically Amused," explained

This morning I gave author Catherynne M. Valente (catvalente) an idea.

Her children's novel The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland in a Ship Of Her Own Making, originally published online and set to hit bookstore shelves May 10th (with laudatory pull quotes by such luminaries as Neil Gaiman and The Last Unicorn creator Peter S. Beagle), is briefly being offered for free download. Valente asked readers to behave and not spoil bits of the novel online. I asked What about fake spoilers?

And Cat announced on her Twitter "Whoever gives me the best #fakefairylandspoiler by 5pm gets a free Fairyland ARC [Advanced Reader Copy]. Cannot be real spoilers. The more over the top, the better. For example: [our heroine] September kills John Conner with a candlestick in the library. [Or the dragon] the Wyverary has to go back in time to 1955."

And people responded! Such as
  • September is the Doctor's wife.
  • The Wyverary once had a torrid affair with Borges.
  • September runs for president and legalizes Leopard-riding.
  • The Marquess is John Galt.
  • The Green Wind is really Keyser Söze.
  • After navigating a maze full of Muppets, our heroine must engage in breakdancing combat w/ David Bowie to win the day.
  • The Green Wind is actually the TMNT [Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles] mutagen. September will wake to find herself half-mudskipper.
  • September kills Dumbledore.
  • September betrays Aslan to the White Witch and binds him to the stone table with cords of silk & brambles.
  • September trains to be the ultimate Vampire Hunter so she can stake the Marquess, head vamp of Fairyland.
  • September conquers Never Never Land, turns the Lost Boys into every '90s boy band, lives on the profits.
  • If you enter the Konami code on your e-book reader before starting, September begins the story with 30 shoes.
  • The Marquess says "Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn" as an indescribable shadow falls over September.
  • And my personal favorite
    September gets a song written about her by the elemental bards Earth, Wind and Fire.
    Valente later awarded the ARC to the reader who wrote
    September is the lovechild of October Daye and Mal Reynolds. Also, she can kill you with her brain.
    Me 2 (B&W)

    The body must flow

    Cascadia.fm's Robert Wagner was nice enough to show me these pictures of me at the Oregon Ballet Theatre dance lesson last Tuesday:

    Oregon Ballet Theatre free lesson, L to R: Me, Bobby 'Fatboy' Roberts, others whose names I don't have Oregon Ballet Theatre free lesson, L to R: Me, Bobby 'Fatboy' Roberts, others whose names I don't have
    Retired OBT dancer Gavin Larsen leads lesson. Retired OBT dancer Gavin Larsen leads lesson.
    I'm in the second row, in the light blue button-down. Later I had the smart-flash to untuck it. I kept it untucked for the rest of the lesson.