So I learned future Mythbuster minion Grant Imahara, when he worked for ILM in the 1990s, helped build the NSEA Protector from Galaxy Quest
. Imahara then said on Twitter, "Ha, thanks for all the Mirror Universe/Evil Grant references! Yeah, I tried facial hair for a while. It uh, didn't work out
Mirror Universe Star Trek
. Still one of the coolest ideas in the Star Trek
universe: the evil version of the Federation, whose logo is a knife going through the Earth and where you advance in rank by killing your superiors. And since Galaxy Quest
is both a tribute to Trek
and a relentless tweaker of the world of Trek
, it hit me: evil Galaxy Quest would've been awesome.
Heck, if there had been a Galaxy Quest 2
, doing a Mirror Universe riff would've been one natural idea.
But instead of Van Dyke beards showing that people are evil, the characters would have genuine goatees. Only facial hair below the mouth, not sharply around it. Oh, and Sam Rockwell's character Guy Fleegman would be clean-shaven. (Is it wrong of me to want to see Alan Rickman as Alexander Dane as Dr. Lazarus with a mohawk?)
And they wouldn't call it "the Mirror Universe," because Galaxy Quest
thoroughly renamed every bit of Trek
lore for its not-subject-to-copyright purposes. What if the evil version was called "The Flipped Galaxy"? The "As you know, Bob..." explanatory scene would show that the Milky Way, instead of revolving the way it does in our universe, is revolving the other way
. I can totally see a graphic of the Milky Way doing that.
And the Flipped, evil Thermians would always frown, and torture people using their tentacles (dangling! Oh noes!). The Protector
would be named the Nebulizer
(after the Galaxy Quest
version of the phaser), or maybe the Death To Fatu-Krey
. The ship's hull would have huge decorative knives. The digital conveyor (the Thermian version of a transporter) can be set not to teleport you, but to drown
you. There's a torture chamber onboard staffed with those doll-sized, big-eyed, big-fanged aliens from that one rocky planet where Tim Allen as Jason Nesmith as Cmdr. Peter Quincy Taggart got shirtless. Dr. Lazarus's catch phrase will have changed to "By Grabthar's hammer, by the suns of Warvan, you shall swim through agony"; Alexander Dane will have to be forced by threat of being-crushed-by-a-Beryllium-Sphere to say it that way. The Fatu-Krey, the reptilian-insectoid creatures who provided the film's villain Gen. Roth'h'ar Sarris, will be food.
Let this be a film in my dreams. That's a safe way for me to think about evil.