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July 15th, 2013

It's been a hard day's night, that was

I never quite wound down last night. What didn't help is that I had a scare on the road just out of Eugene; a truck didn't give me room to merge, and the best I could do was drive for a bit on pavement between the actual freeway lane on my left and another on-ramp on my right, looking to be sure no obstacles were up ahead and hoping there'd be enough of a gap between cars using that on-ramp for me to get over to that on-ramp. I did, but even THAT onramp seem to disappear into the freeway lane more quickly than I wanted it to. I actually yelled "Are you kidding me?!"

What I should've done then was drive to the next off-ramp, a few miles north, pull over on a side road, and calm down. As it was, I powered through once I was in traffic, but I was stewing in adrenaline and worry. Took a while to come down from that; I had trouble unwinding once I got home, about 9:30.

I'm only barely out of bed now -- I decided I needed as much relaxation time this morning as I could find. Will it be enough?

Remember, Chris, it's a short trip to work and you can get coffee.

TODAY I AM NOT A SHINY HAPPY PERSON ARGH.

Sometimes, very rarely, I wish...

...that I could enjoy being an asshole. That I could be obnoxious, insulting, difficult, cutting, brutal, and mean.

But no. I wouldn't enjoy it, and it'd just result in either bothering or confusing people (which I'm good at doing), and I'd look like Binkley from Bloom County having a snit. No one would be trembling in their boots. It'd be a pointless exercise. Like, it seemed, me doing anything today other than sleeping.

Today sucked. For no huge reason, certainly no tragic reason, nothing awful has happened, but I started the day tired and had almost no patience. CONGRATULATIONS, MEMBER OF CUSTOMER SERVICE: you get to REIN ALL THAT IN, and deal today with (more than I think should be my fair share of) clueless people who, aggressively, did not get the point.

I had to talk down a customer who kept interrupting me about ev,ery,thing. I actually said "Sir, I am trying to explain. You are not letting me." It was the sharpest I've spoken to a person while at work in ages. He actually apologized, and let me explain. The call was done in about a minute and a half after that. He could move on with his life knowing more. Thank everything. SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU LET ME DO MY JOB AND LET ME EXPLAIN SHIT. (That call wound up, end to end, more than 15 minutes long. It could've been done in two had he let me. Operative words, yo.)

I'm usually far more patient than I was today. Today was a low-ebb, low-on-cope day. I'll be to bed VERY soon, because I need to get rest. The most sure solution.

I'll try not to be an asshole tomorrow. As tempting as it might be.