June 29th, 2014

Oregon Coast 1

Towards another comfort

I'm remembering my crushes in their quiet moments.

The women I've had my crushes on, throughout the years, have returned to my head at times lately, in the midst of sitting, contemplating. Moments that were, I hope, comfortable. Moments that were, I also hope, comforting.

And they are moments of no drama. No angst. Just good people, getting on with good thoughts, with amusements, with the sense that they were giving off a good vibe.

Of course, that could be the crush-feeling that's talking.

I was good at crushes. I found women worth crushing on. I have often chosen poorly in one particular way -- I have often chosen those who were unavailable, with significant others or simply no interest -- but I take some amused comfort that when I've mentioned to close friends someone in particular, the responses were "completely understandable" and an utterly non-sarcastic "good choice."

I know: having a crush is, ultimately, a selfish act. It's about how someone makes you feel, not about how each person makes the other feel. It's one-way, not a you-give-your-way-I'll-give-another-way balance that you hope happens in a relationship. Because it's not a relationship. Or not a relationship that the crush-er hopes is there; that relationship is not there for the crush-ee. And the crush-er better not force an attempted relationship. That...would be bad.

Trust me, I understand that. I said "I was good at crushes." I'm trying to be...well, less-good at them. Crushing too easily becomes a diversion of energy: both mental and emotional. It means you have less energy to actually build a connection between you and another. It means you're less likely to have the good moments like those above, but in a relationship. And that can be a goal: see and appreciate good moments for your significant other...and be the cause of good moments for your significant other. To want to cause the good moments.

Give good moments. We deserve to have more of them.