January 31st, 2015

Captain Kris W'lash

Must, not, yell instead of speak...

What I could say...

...no. What could I say?

I'm going to try to keep this very general. I have a hunch that, were I specific, I'd piss people off.

Because I try to be fair. And I see lots of people who, in my non-humble opinion, don't give two craps about being fair.

I see too many cases of the seeming attitude "I can't just believe something: I have to be a jackass about it." I see too much dismissal. I see repeated attempts to, say, correct something that's incorrect (I know, I know, someone is always wrong on the Internet) get simply ignored.

It's easy to ignore! I know!

And it's easy not to listen. Corollary: it can be hard to listen.

I'm trying to listen. I really am. I'm trying not to be dismissive. I try not to be passive-aggressive. (One big exception to that, that I'll admit to because I'm working to be honest: lately I've seen people doing the dumb thing of bicycling on sidewalks, and I say to them as they pass "Really?" And what I truly want to say to them is "Ha ha! You're too scared to ride on the street!," buuuuuuuuuut that's, heh, overly confrontational.) I try not to twist others' words.

One thing I need to do is be better at arguing, but I run up against the personal wall of how I don't like to argue, how I almost literally argue myself out of arguing with others because, in my efforts to think through my potential arguments, I feel the other person won't argue in good faith. I assume they won't be fair, and that my trying to be fair leaves me more likely to be dismissed. When I realize I'm likely to resort to yellng instead of arguing, I know something's off.

I've said this before. I've felt this before. This is unorganized even by the standards of blogs, but it's what's on my mind.

Can I have other stuff on my mind, please? (There. Now I'll see if I listen to myself...)
Thumbs Up Vader

Get It Done, Housecleaning Edition

"Housework is something you do that no one else notices unless you don't do it."

I once got a refrigerator magnet with that message as a present for Mom. It's a good message/reminder for me now, with my decades (whoa) of experience with being an adult who needs to keep his stuff clean. Or at least clean to the standard of "nothing molding!" (Seriously, that was my standard in my first apartment.)

With place-sharing, different people must deal with their different thresholds of "This is clean"/"This is not" (with the occasional "Unclean! Unclean!") and find the happy medium. At this house, we have a chore list. And I realized a) I was avoiding certain chores, and b) I was not only being a little lazy about not doing those, I was hung up on "will my housemates know I cleaned?" That could lead to doing chores mainly for show, which might in fact (come to think of it) be a good motivator, but I realized it more likely would be obnoxious. "Look! I'm getting stuff DONE!" Which is much less important than getting stuff done.

And as some chores can be inconvenient for anyone else in the house, I was resisting them too. I mopped the kitchen late this morning, and luckily I had the house to myself when doing it. Avoided both the "hey, looka ME" issue and the "be in other people's way" issue, as I get more used to doing this regularly. Today's was only my second time mopping this kitchen and, I think, only my third time mopping ever. (Speaking of cleaning, I've yet to change a diaper. I feel less adult now that I realize that.) Like most anything else, do it, do it more, get better at it, and it'll feel less like a chore.

Here's to "getting used to it."