July 23rd, 2018

TNG Darmok

Wearing that stupid man-suit

I almost apologized.

A couple of weeks ago, one Thursday morning, I dropped briefly into the corner coffee shop a few blocks from the house, to pick up one of the free local papers that usually gets out Wednesday afternoons. It hadn't, and the shop was the nearest place to get it. I don't make a habit of going in to that café to get nothing but a free paper, but I let myself that time. The coffee shop owner saw me and said hi.

I responded, I feel, like I was Edgar the Bug taking over Vincent D'Onofrio. I suddenly felt all the awkward. Okay, I exaggerate. Some. Some of the awkward. I felt I was answering her in an imitation-of-human way. I wonder if I made her go Huh? to herself.

Usually I am better with people than that.

It bothered me. Some days later I was back in the café when the owner wasn't, and asked another staffer I know if she'd be in that day. Not that day, the staffer said. She wondered if something was wrong, and I said no.

Still, I didn't run into the owner for a few more days, and by then I'd decided me apologizing now, this late, would be weird and still awkward. The better idea at that point was to act more human again. I have plenty of experience doing that.


Hi, sometimes I feel insecure.