April 19th, 2019

TNG Darmok

Saying here what I'm not sure I could say elsewhere:

Sometimes I wonder if I should point out to some of the people I know that they seem to, often, miss the point of what I say.

Certain friends seem to get the 180-degrees different interpretation of what I think is pretty clear.

Certain friends seem to respond to what they wanted me to say instead of what I actually said.

Certain friends (in particular, someone I follow on Facebook) seem to respond to me in ways that suggest they didn't really read what I'd written, like they'd responded just to respond.

Seem to. Seem to. I wonder if I'm imagining things. I also wonder if I'd bother these friends of mine if I directly pointed out to them how I felt.

(A more specific for-instance. One time another person posted a completely out-of-left-field comment to my Facebook wall that really, immediately, bothered me. It had nothing to do with what I'd posted, and asked a question I really, really don't like answering, one of those "none of your f'ing business" questions. (They'd once done this to me in person, really fixating on a seeming need for them to know an answer, and I'd had to work hard not to respond in a really smartassed, mean way.) I told them "Please remove that comment. I don't want it on my page." They got defensive. They tried to explain why they'd posted it and almost immediately contradicted themselves, saying "I did it because of [x]" then saying "I did it because of [z]." Maybe I should have responded more gently at first, saying "Why did you post that? I don't want to answer it and I don't feel it's appropriate," but I wanted their comment gone. It was my honest reaction, and sometimes people get bothered and defensive over honest reactions. Their frequent response is You overreacted! I didn't mean anything! But I like what Harlan Ellison once said: it's a reaction, and it's only called an "overreaction" because the person being reacted to didn't like it and wanted to shame you for reacting. This person and I don't talk much anymore, but I still about these interactions and wonder about them.)

Do I point it out when it happens? Am I bring a bad friend if I do? Am I being dishonest if I don't? At the moment I don't have answers to this.

But I've written this entry perhaps as an aid to helping me at least think about it.
I listen

Thursday, April 18th and Friday, April 19th, commemorated!

My work week was an up-and-down one, but it happened and I'll get paid for it. (This is on my mind partly because my paycheck for the March 30th-April 12th pay period, where I worked 12 out of 14 days so two of those days were pure overtime, just got deposited last night. Without giving specifics, I passed a certain threshold with that paycheck. It's also the highest paycheck I've yet earned at this job and might be my largest ever that wasn't the check a place gave me after either I'd quit or they'd fired me and they needed to pay me for PTO owed.)

(Yes that's a long sentence. I don't care.)

The last three Fridays, normally a day off, I worked. This is my first Friday ALL TO MYSELF for a while, and I've needed it.

Last night was good, too. Once I finished one particular chore I'd put off (a cleaning chore that, honestly, I hadn't been in the mood to do because I've been tired, but I've done it) I treated myself to a brewery dinner. Within a reasonable walk of where I live is a new brew pub, Assembly Brewing. There I checked out the decor, and ate: a small pepperoni pizza cooked Detroit style (rectangular with an extra thick, crispy crust), chicken skewer appetizers, and an eight-ounce pale ale. All good. And, luckily, I was hella hungry and finished it all, though maybe next time I'll bring a box for any leftovers. (That would be a good habit.)

Plus last night, it was nice out. Niiiiiiiiiiice. Almost warmish compared to how it's been — winter-like weather held on in Portland a little longer than usual, this early spring — and good walking weather. Plus interesting-looking clouds, punctuating the sunset while not overwhelming the sunset. So that was another good reason to walk. That and to use some of the calories from dinner.

My Friday so far: finally visiting Space Monkey Coffee for the first time in a while, then taking a 10 bus out to Lents and walking around that neighborhood before taking a 14 bus back. I went past both sites in that neighborhood where the Belmont Goats used to live. The most recent site, at SE 92nd and Harold, is reverting back to how it used to look: the only signs that the goats once lived there are a couple of patches where the main shelter, a shed, and a smaller shelter used to be, and those will probably recover soon. (You definitely can't see what the site was used for up until about five years ago: a softball field with a small, now-demolished building. I discovered that once via an old Google Maps satellite image.) The other Lents site the goats used to live at, SE 91st between Foster and Reedway, has been developed. A new building covers the entirety of it. Progress sometimes looks weird, but it happens.

Since then, I've relaxed. And done laundry. You know more now.