June 20th, 2019



Am I honest enough?

Am I able to say what needs saying? Can I say things that are needed and helpful? Do I have the courage to say what's necessary, when it's necessary? Not to hold on until it's pointless to say, or saying it badly and thus scrambling and confusing the message?

Without getting into details, I'm thinking this because of how lately I've really, really bit my tongue to keep from saying some things: maybe they aren't mine to say. Maybe they should be said at a better time. Maybe they're (to quote Dad) "Interesting but irrelevant." (Maybe they aren't even interesting, either.) Maybe I don't know enough to make a cogent point. At work a couple of days ago I explains how I had a whole, long period in life where I'd go through many mental loops to find some way to answer questions with a response other than "I don't know," even though in those cases I didn't know. I eventually got over that. Mostly, I think.

Seems like I speak more often on this job than on many other of my previous jobs, even though that can't be true. I talk to customers, give directions to other people who've gotten lost, and pass along info and updates to co-workers; yeah, but it feels like I do a lot of that. And there's an enormous amount more that I could say, because of course I think a lot, but, again: is it needed? Does it help?

A simple declaration: I want people to want to hear what I say. I want them not to ignore what I say. So: staying honest. Good idea.