April 12th, 2020


Not Today

It's, um, un-fun when you're startled awake in the middle of the night because of a dream. That happened very, very early this morning. Not a good way to get Sunday started.

So I rested. More than usual. Today I've mainly been in bed, reading while I played Tori Amos's "Under the Pink" on repeat. (Pandemic advice I got from someone I've followed online for years: during this, play music you've liked for years, so you may be reminded of the good times earlier when you were also listening to that music instead of over-associating that music with, well, Now.) I've eaten a small lunch, and will have more to eat soon, but that hasn't been a big part of today. I'm managing not to eat just out of boredom.

A few minutes ago I gave myself permission to stay inside the rest of today, as long as I go outside tomorrow. It felt weird to do so. Even in the other times I've been out of work, each day I'd get out, I'd walk, I'd take a look at places outside wherever I was living at the time.

This is, of course, different. Feels like I need to prepare to go out, and today I'd rather not. But I also don't want to be a lump indoors. (A couple of days ago, pre-going out, I got exercise simply by going up and down the flight of stairs to the basement.) I won't be too much of a lump the rest of today; it's okay, this time.

I feel like I'm taking care. I'm trying to. I hope you are as well.