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Lottery thoughts

I found another way to stress myself out: imagining what would happen if I bought a winning ticket for that mind-bogglingly huge MegaMillions lottery jackpot.

I have not bought a MegaMillions ticket. I won't. I've occasionally bought lottery tickets, or gotten them as gifts or party favors, and they're a type of gambling I find low-stakes enough to play. Most other forms of gambling: not for me, no. (The only casino gambling I've done was in an Atlantic City casino at my brother's bachelor party in 1999.)

And my thoughts this morning about how does anyone wrap their mind around such a huge amount of money reminded me that yes, it IS huge. Mind-croggling, as I think Douglas Adams (someone very rich who had a sometimes dysfunctional relationship with money) said. And completely, utterly beyond what any one person (or one family) needs.

(Again: over one billion. Less after the understandably huge amount of tax taken out on that jackpot, but: starting at over one billion. I disagree with G. Gordon Liddy on almost everything and find him a deeply awful person, but I take from his 1990s radio show this observation: a billion is "a thousand millions." He'd say numbers that way to better convey those big numbers. A trillion: a thousand billions. Imagine that.)

I had trouble imagining what to do with that big of a lottery win beyond the basics: repair or replace or replenish everything in my life I'd need to repair, replace, or replenish. Get things fixed. Get new things to replace worn-out things. Get things stocked up. Pay off debts. Then: what? Some traveling, at least, to see other areas and other people, especially those I haven't seen in a while or have been itching to see. Then? Stuff to make life easier, yes, for me and others I know. Donating; I could. But donating where, to what? I won't list potential places I'd donate; that feels a little too "I would if I could, but I can't," and that seems unfair to potential places to donate.

My brain freezes up. My brain would probably not break were I to get that much, but it would be surreal and a stretch to handle, like an extra arm you didn't know you had. Not necessarily good or bad, just depending on how you use it.

Most of us could use more money. We need the funds to function. I realized, in think about this lottery, what amount of money I'd want:

Enough money to be me, but more so.