Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

Saying here what I'm not sure I could say elsewhere:

Sometimes I wonder if I should point out to some of the people I know that they seem to, often, miss the point of what I say.

Certain friends seem to get the 180-degrees different interpretation of what I think is pretty clear.

Certain friends seem to respond to what they wanted me to say instead of what I actually said.

Certain friends (in particular, someone I follow on Facebook) seem to respond to me in ways that suggest they didn't really read what I'd written, like they'd responded just to respond.

Seem to. Seem to. I wonder if I'm imagining things. I also wonder if I'd bother these friends of mine if I directly pointed out to them how I felt.

(A more specific for-instance. One time another person posted a completely out-of-left-field comment to my Facebook wall that really, immediately, bothered me. It had nothing to do with what I'd posted, and asked a question I really, really don't like answering, one of those "none of your f'ing business" questions. (They'd once done this to me in person, really fixating on a seeming need for them to know an answer, and I'd had to work hard not to respond in a really smartassed, mean way.) I told them "Please remove that comment. I don't want it on my page." They got defensive. They tried to explain why they'd posted it and almost immediately contradicted themselves, saying "I did it because of [x]" then saying "I did it because of [z]." Maybe I should have responded more gently at first, saying "Why did you post that? I don't want to answer it and I don't feel it's appropriate," but I wanted their comment gone. It was my honest reaction, and sometimes people get bothered and defensive over honest reactions. Their frequent response is You overreacted! I didn't mean anything! But I like what Harlan Ellison once said: it's a reaction, and it's only called an "overreaction" because the person being reacted to didn't like it and wanted to shame you for reacting. This person and I don't talk much anymore, but I still about these interactions and wonder about them.)

Do I point it out when it happens? Am I bring a bad friend if I do? Am I being dishonest if I don't? At the moment I don't have answers to this.

But I've written this entry perhaps as an aid to helping me at least think about it.
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