I've been dwelling on people I've known and lost. Not only recently, like Tracy and Dana last year, but Jen, a high school friend and colleague (and someone I'd thought was cute) who died in 1993. Another friend, Mike, my best friend in fact, who was killed in 1997.
Hell, I'm reading a biography of Jim Henson, and I'm up to 1989, the year before he died. Henson's death was one of the first high-profile deaths to hit me hard. Not the first — that may have been the Challenger astronauts — but one of the first. And soon I'll read what led up to his death, to that loss.
It's the sort of day where, just now, I was watering and trimming a plant and got reminded of the day I got that plant, when — I'll be vague — a family member brought it over to give it to me but also to have a chance to talk about a difficult, sad family situation. (Again, being vague. Sorry. Luckily, a better situation came out of it.) The sort of day I think of someone who I and friends of mine almost lost, but, thank everything, didn't. (Vague, AGAIN.) And, earlier, I watched a video made by my college's football program, the University of Oregon Ducks, reminding us that yes it sucks that we can't gather right now at Autzen Stadium or any other venue for sports, but it's important to stay home and lessen the spread of COVID-19 so that we can recover and gather again later, and I teared up at that.
Sometimes we're sad.
That's it. I don't need to qualify this, or diminish this, or make it more than it is. But I handle some days better than others. So do all of you. I hope we all can have more good days than bad. I hope we can get through the bad days.
I've said it before (even earlier in this post): we're in a difficult situation that's required difficult actions, that will require other difficult actions. Some days we handle this okay. Some days we don't. We can work to do better the next days.
Things will be better. I'm writing this to remind myself. I'm writing this to remind you.