Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

Trying to end blog constipation! Also, feelings, ugh.

Yeah. That was a week of me not blogging.

Whatever blogging I might have done during that time would probably have been really repetitive. I haven't been up to much. Friday the 9th was an exception: I bussed out to Raleigh Hills, made two visits to Sesame Donuts, and walked along and near the Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway into the east end of Beaverton. I bussed back to Portland, then to Beulahland for a cheeseburger, then to Laurelhurst Park, then to home.

Quite a few of the other days between last post and this post? I did nothing more strenuous than podcast-listening. And some housework. And some walking and errands.

And for a lot of this past week, I've been prickly. On edge. Easily annoyed. To the point that last night I almost snapped at someone.

I've been trying to understand my recent moods better, and here's part of it: I'm both deeply craving human contact (difficult during, say it with me, THE PANDEMIC) and feeling the opposite of cuddly (hard to ease during the, wait for it, PANDEMIC). True story: yesterday afternoon I did errands, first to Bridge City Comics and a quick visit with Michael Ring, the good guy who owns the shop, then to Fred Meyer. As I headed towards the checkout lines I had a sudden, definite thought: I now want to deal with as few people as possible. So I got in line at Self-Checkout. Only person in the store I then needed to deal with was a clerk who quickly scanned my coupons.

I don't like being in this mood. I feel closer than normal to acting badly because of it. As I said recently on Facebook, and as I've said before, at times like this my inner Andy Kaufman is not so frickin' inner, and I'm tempted to mess with people. Which would be a way of me acting out. Of me bothering people, when I both want and not want to hug people.

And no, I don't know when I'll get vaccinated, let alone when I'll get my second shot. And that won't end this, despite being a move in the right direction: I am truly, deeply tired of quarantine, and so I get tired in general. Just not getting sick can be tiring, ugh. Thus, the days of mainly listening to podcasts.

I'm being honest, which I prefer to being mean. (To quote something I saw online, how often when people say they're "brutally honest" are they more interested in the brutal part than the honest part?) Hoping to stay honest, and to feel better.


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