Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

This feels a little petty. I'll still feel it. (Formerly Friends-Locked)

This, I wanted to say less publicly:

While at the Moon & Sixpence tonight before Serenity screened, waiting for a quick appetizer (sausages rolled in pastries) to serve as my dinner, I sat at one of the longer tables and had a conversation with a man I won't name. And it was a difficult, hard-to-engage talk. He seemed a little sad and a little-more-than-that negative; even his smile seemed sad. Our talk didn't flow, which is what conversation should do. Still, I felt weirdly committed to trying to draw him out, get him more engaged (like telling the "Jewel Staite: so sexy it's scary?" story). Didn't quite work. There are limits to how much one can talk about food allergies, especially when the convo is about as circumscribed as I can't eat this or that and I have bad reactions to this other thing and...

And I realized that this was eating away at my patience. I found enough reserves of patience to visit with him for a while more, and I made sure to say "Nice to meet you" when he prepared to leave for the theater. He didn't reply verbally, or with a hand gesture (I was sticking out my hand at that point, hoping maybe to get a handshake); his radiating sort-of-sadness simply stayed, not quite covered by his smile. I became better engaged with other attendees, and then I became engaged with the film screening, so things got better from my perspective. But it make me think:

One of the reasons I decided to leave my job was that I was losing my patience, while putting up with a lot of negative energy (far more than what this Firefly fan was radiating) in my old office. And I like having my patience. I need to rebuild it; I used to have patience skills. Getting it back, as I realized tonight, is a work in progress...and the work, I know, will be worth it.
Tags: firefly/whedon, work

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