The problem is, I want to do more than think hopeful thoughts. And I don't know if I can.
Last year, redscorner's major health issues came to a head. In an attempt to find an alternate way to raise money for her health care (including multiple surgeries on her brain), she started Project Download (which was mentioned, among other places, on Neil Gaiman's blog). This wound up causing a runaway roller coaster's worth of drama for her, but last I'd heard, she was maintaining, and getting treatment at OHSU (the hospital where I used to work) that meant her medical problems were no longer life-threatening.
Last week, for the second time since I've known her, her personal LJ and the projectdownload community were deleted. Last time, this was done by someone who'd gotten her passwords and was messing with her. The circumstances this time make me think -- think -- that the same thing happened this time. But I can't confirm anything; I've sent two messages to the one e-mail address I have for her, with no reply. In three weeks, if she takes no action (or if she can't take action; that could be the problem), those two LJs would be deleted forever, whatever information and archives in them gone.
A lot of things are on my mind. She's one of them. The woulda-coulda-shouldas bother me: I should've found an alternate way to get in touch with redscorner and her friends. I should've kept checking in with her, just on general principles: Hey, how are you doing? But now it's all, for me, a question mark. I can't know yet how she's doing. I may not be able to know. I may never know. And it nags at me that I may have been able to help her further and I didn't.
The best I can do is keep thinking hopeful thoughts for her.
Be OK, redscorner.