Let your rod roar out of your pants
(Allegedly sent from Mosso's Pharmacy of Latrobe, PA, by the way)
Okay, I'm having serious junior high "hide the boner!" flashbacks, same as any former teenage boy remembers. Accidental incidental tumescence (having inconvenient erections at inopportune times, I mean) was the bane of our existences; we were terrified of our man-parts being obvious under our pants. How much worse would it be if THEY MADE NOISE???!!!!
Therefore I am not intrigued by your ideas or wishing to subscribe to your newsletter.
(You're right, popfiend: these are fun to write!)