"The American cowboy. Tough. Determined. Smelly.
"He settled the Old West with just a horse, a gun, and a whole bunch of beer. Our beer. Zeldenschlock Beer.
"When Pat Garrett gunned down Billy the Kid, they were both filled with our beer.
"When Custer confidently rode into the worst ambush in U.S. military history, he had just polished off a carton of Zeldenschlock Ponies.
"Now, you too can enjoy the recipe laid down by our founder, Papa Zeldenschlock.
"Yes, even though it's harder to make beer this way -- out of the back of a chuckwagon from ingredients we find in a cow pasture -- we still do it because, well, we're stubborn.
"Stubborn and backward and, like Papa, just a little loco.
"But that's how you get when you're out on the prairie, all alone, with just a horse, a gun, and a whole bunch of beer. Our beer. Zeldenschlock Beer.
"Enjoy a great tradition of the Old West -- getting drunk and shooting up the place -- with Zeldenschlock Beer."
(Non-Rabbit Hole disclaimer: this was a parody commercial I heard and recorded back in 1989 on the Don & Mike Morning Zoo. I still have that tape.)