Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh
chris_walsh

  • Mood:

They know what you need... (OH CHRIS WALSH NO)

On behalf of someone I know who’s having a bad day:

Voice # 1: Oh no! It’s all gone wrong!
Voice # 2: She needs something to go right tonight!
Both # 1 and 2: Quick! Summon the Lay Men!

*objects-falling level of noise as the Lay Men scramble into place*

The Lay Men: Hup-hup-hup-hup-hup!

(The Lay Men line up. They’re manly men dressed in kilts, both traditional and UtiliKilt. They wear tight shirts showing off their physiques. Sharp Van Dykes mark their faces. They look determined. They wield dildos.)

The Lay Men: The Lay Men, yes! That’s what we are! Giving sexual healing from near to far!
We feed your need for laying speed! To get you satisfied is our creed!
Your stress, it stinks, so we handle kinks! And when we’re done, you’ll get forty winks!
Your dreams? Fulfilled! Your rest? Like the dead! You’ll feel LOADS better ’cause of what happened in bed!
The Lay Men: Us! You’ll be moved to cuss! We’re ready for you, without any fuss!

*beat chests in unison*





…the Lay Men. (They need a slogan. A slogan would go here.)
Tags: creme de la chris, music, poetical
Subscribe

  • On Driving

    Good: I didn’t get used to it. From the second half of January to early March, Mom let me borrow her car so I wouldn’t have to deal with a closure…

  • That’s an option (heh, heh)

    People smoke in Valet. Not us employees, obviously, but people leave the airport terminal, get to our area across the street, and light up because…

  • Conflation: thoughts prompted by “Pig” (2021)

    Here I will discuss something pointless, which, hey, my blog, I say what I want. It’s about a very good film and a detail which is, it turns out,…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 5 comments