Chris Walsh (chris_walsh) wrote,
Chris Walsh

I don't even work for tips, and I'm annoyed by this.

There’s a Burger King radio commercial for some rapidly prepared food that’s supposedly so good and upscale, says the ad, that you’ll want to leave a tip. The ad then has two people busting their minds trying to figure out how much to tip (“Okay, carry the 1…”), followed by the announcer guy saying Hey! You actually don’t have to tip!

And come to think of it, in the same vein there’s a new Taco Bell TV commercial where a guy leaves a tip at an espresso cart, but another guy tells him the change he left would be enough for some other rapidly prepared food at Taco Bell, so the first guy takes back his change from the tip jar and tells the server “All you did was push a button.”

Now first of all, tipping is GOOD FREAKIN’ ETIQUETTE. Second, tipping is NOT THAT HARD TO FIGURE OUT. Even I say and know that, and I’m no math whiz. The steps I take are thus:

1. Look at your price.
2. Move the decimal point to the left one space. That’s 10% of your purchase.
3. Double that. That’s 20%. (I first used the word “multiply,” but realized I could say it more simply – simpler! – than that.)

Spent $39.75 on a meal? 10% is $3.97; round off to $4.00 for simplicity. Double that is $8.00. You paid $12.96? 10% is $1.30 (with the rounding), double that is $2.60. Want to tip 15%? What’s half of $1.30? 65 cents. That makes it $2.05.

As someone who’s good at over-complicating stuff, I’m proud I keep this SIMPLE. ’Cause it is. Tens and halves are simple, really. (…John Rickey’s lack of math skills notwithstanding. “Decimals are just tens,” as G-Man once told him. This has been a plug for docbrite’s Rickey and G-Man stories.)

And it’s another reason I like Kevin Smith. Not only is he smart, funny, and profanely sweet (a skill not everyone has), but he came from retail, and now that he’s rich, whenever he’s in a tipping situation, he tips 50%. Five-zero, not one-five. It’s one way to give back. He does this even when the service is lousy; he knows that’s sometimes completely not the server’s fault.

Tipping is Good Karma. That’s truth I got from the side of a tip jar. (Truth I got from the side of a tip jar. That could be a lyric.)
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