The job hunt, beyond being available for temp assignments, is a worry. (So is that there aren't many assignments through my current temp agency right now. I'll probably re-sign at a second agency, though not at the office that I felt put me in a job it shouldn't have in the first place, which ended...poorly.) I don't want to do the job hunt, and
Plus my skills are rarely developed enough for a lot of jobs. I'm nowhere near advanced in computer know-how, so computer jobs beyond the basics (like data entry) are out. I can't build stuff, so work rebuilding infrastructure wouldn't work for me, unless I was a box-slinger or ditch-digger or something. I'm not a trucker or a bus driver. I want to avoid call-center work FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. (Hey, I did that for three years. I've earned the right not to do that anymore!) I won't be a salesman, beyond the selling-myself part of hunting for a job (always some salesmanship there). I'm not likely to get a $32,000-a-year job, let alone $50,000 or $100,000 work. I accept that. For now, at least, I want to get by.
And my bigger feeling is I don't know if the big thing I know I can do, writing, can earn me any money right now. But with thinking that comes the risk of freezing up and not being able to write anything, with the result being fewer entries, fewer reviews, fewer Geek in the City commentaries, and less writing in general. I can't let that happen. That's counter-productive. And I'm increasingly feeling that writing is what I'm meant to do...to the point that it bothers me more and more when I'm not doing it. I'm thinking of Stephen King's On Writing comment (page 152 of the hardcover) about writers who don't write much:
...how long did it take them to write the books they did write, and what did they do the rest of their time? Knit afghans? Organize church bazaars? Deify plums? I'm probably being snotty here, but I'm also, believe me, honestly curious. If God gives you something you can do, why in God's name wouldn't you do it?Can I pull off something like what Harvey Pekar did? Work a basic job, write at other times? He was a file clerk (now retired, last I heard), and he writes music reviews and his autobiographical comic American Splendor. He has fans. I have fans: far fewer, of course, but I haven't been doing this since the Seventies like him. Pekar also has a work ethic that's served him well for over three decades and counting. That can be developed. My love-hate relationship with the work of M. Night Shyamalan aside, I admire that he's said I'm basically lazy and I have to fight to get stuff done -- and that "stuff" has included raising his kids and making a movie every one-and-a-half to two years. So the fight's been successful.
My fight needs to be successful. Because I have work to do.