contemplativeLong story, short: the job situation had been getting harder to deal with -- while, conversely, leaving me with less to do. I was less productive, or, shall I say, I had less chance to be productive, and I was frustrated with the conditions under which I had to work. I ended this before it made me crazy. Crazier. You might know what I mean.
It's been a fascinating year since then. Sometimes I was deeeply hunkered down, doing as little as possible and just thinking (I've had lots to think about); I've done the job hunt hustle; I've gotten closer to friends and family who helped me through this weird time; I've helped friends through what's been a financially difficult time for so many of us; I've read when I could; I've been stressed, but have been more aware of my stress and have coped with it; I've traveled long distances to be with friends, which helped with the getting closer to people; and I've written a little more, and got plenty of reminders that hey, Chris, WRITING HELPS YOU.
I feel like it's been a cleansing year. I think I've been more honest with myself than I'd often been before, and sometimes that honesty was difficult and uncomfortable, but it was like I burned my way through a couple of, shall we say, bullshit barriers. I hope I have. It feels like I have. Did I lay the foundation for being a better person? I hope so. I also hope I've laid the foundation of being a person who can be in relationships, as in more-than-friendship relationships. It's like I got more capable of, and prepared for, being (eventually) in love. And I remember the period earlier this year where I realized Maybe I haven't been ready for that before. Because somehow I feel more ready for that now. And more ready to admit to whomever I next feel that way about that "Hey, I feel that way about you." And as I've told some of you before, I could feel an opening-up of potential, of possibility, when I thought that thought. A thought I needed to think, based on how it affected me.
Life's a work in progress. I like being reminded of that. (Even watching the good film Three Kings reminded me of that.) And I feel like I've done good life-work this year. Good. I needed that life-work. I need that life-work. I think I can do that life-work.
Bless you all for being here in my little corner of the 'Net.